Thursday, December 15, 2005

My Mobay Christmas Wishlist: A letter to Santa

published in THE WESTERN MIRROR wednesday december 14, 2005

My Mobay Christmas Wishlist

Dear Santa,

Rumours abound, some claim you don’t visit the ghettos, others contend that you do but, you only deliver, Mach 10’s, “Zigzags”, 9mms, Introtechs and maybe some “scribbs and clappers” for the kids. Worse yet I hear it is that you don’t put Rasta men on the roster for anything in the big bag. Some people have gone so far as to claim that you aren’t even real. How preposterous! There is even a rumour that you have elves working at the Parish Council, though I am told that they only wear there green suits when it is election time. I won’t swear I have been good this year, but I have tried Mr. Clause Sir, I really have. As you should be used to by now St. Nick, I’m writing because like the 6 billion other people on the planet I have a few small requests for Christmas. There are a few presents that you could give us here in MoBay, I hope it is not too much, and if so maybe you could delegate some of the work to those elves.

  1. Could you fix the roads out by Flankers in its entirety? And when it does get fixed in its entirety could you see that there is proper drainage there, so that you won’t need to fix the road by March. It would be a big help to Montegonians and even easy some of the traffic. No doubt, you would make many of the tourism interests happy as well, not to mention Horace Peterkin who probably has hell to reach to the branch of Sandals out there.

  2. I won’t ask you to stop all the crime in the second city, but maybe you could drop off a feasible and reasonable crime plan at the St. James Parish Council. Maybe then they may take up the issue of crime in this town with some zeal, if they know that a popular Caucasian has some interest.

  3. Can you get rid of all the bleaching creams that people seem to be using to damage their skin these days? As a matter of fact maybe you could through in a dash of self esteem and black pride while you’re at it.

  4. In spite of the vicious rumours that people have spread about you, I ask the you not be spiteful or bare any ill will towards the third world and actually drop off some useful presents to the street kids that beg at the stop lights and every fast food place. I don’t want to press my luck but if it isn’t too much, maybe you could find there parents and enlist them in a good school or just prompt the state agency that deals with such ill-fated children to be more proactive in carrying out their duties.

  5. I hate to go back to a topic but I don’t think I was thorough enough on the roads in request 1. But I must ask you to find some good drainage solutions for MoBay. The phenomenon that is flooding is getting far too common in the city. I would never like to see a repeat of what happened in October ever again. Also could see if you sort out whatever the hell is going wrong out by Bogue during rush hours, the insane lines of traffic cannot continue much longer.

  6. I would also like to think that the majority of Montego Bay would appreciate you providing the local government with an employment plan. I hope that this isn’t too much to ask of a man who flies the global in just one night. We need an employment plan that will not only make people aware of job opportunities but will help create some.

  7. My last plea is probably a trivial one but it is my final wish none the less. I don’t know how you will accomplish this but, is it possible that you could find away to broaden and expand the entertainment arena in MoBay. I tire of hearing people complain that Montego Bay is boring and that they have nothing to do or nowhere to go.

Mr. Clause I know this is somewhat of a tall order, but they say miracles happen at Christmas time. So I beg that you try and give Montego Bay these small favours as our Miracle for the Christmas. Your time and consideration is greatly appreciated sir. My many, many thanks in advance.


Yours Truly,

Yannick Nesta Pessoa
On behalf of the citizens of Montego Bay.

p.s. could you get those little green elves down at the Parish Council cracking for the New Year? Thanks.

1 comment:

Donald Watson said...

Dear Yaw-nick,
I’m responding to your letter addressed to (Santa) published in the Western Mirror and dated Wednesday December 14. Well Mr. Yaw-nick first things first. I see on your online resume that in the year 2000 you were the public relations manager for the PNP in N.Y.C. My question is what position do you now hold with the PNP if any, and is this letter to Santa your official campaign launch for the PNP in Montego Bay. As the old saying goes “the higher the monkey climbs is the more him expose”.

This I say because again you have chosen to embarrass yourself publicly as a writer.
1/ Either by genuinely not taking the time as a writer to educate yourself of under what government department which responsibilities falls. Supporting the point that common sence is not as common as the name suggest.
2/ Assuming this is your attempt to blatantly misinform the public for political reasons, then clearly you totally underestimate the intelligence of your readers. Supporting the saying that been street smart is better than a degree any day.
3/ Could be your just plain and simple drinking too much of the over the counter drug DPH elixir” for your own good. “As you admit on your web site” and hence me spelling your name Yaw-nick

With regards to the Flankers main road you are right its seriously affecting the tourist industry which so many Montegonians depend on to put food on their table, however just the other day the Mayor made a public statement, clearing up the issue that the Flankers main road is the responsibility of the National Works Agency “which incidentally is not run by the St James Parish council”. He also pointed out all the drains that falls under the National Works Agency. So your request to Santa should go as follows. Ask Santa to ask the Central Government to finance and tell the National Works Agency to act fast on this matter.

I am deeply concerned as to why you would ask Santa to drop off a feasible and reasonable crime plan at the St. James Parish Council. Surely you don’t think it’s their responsibility to deal with crime as they were never trained or equipped to deal with matters relating to crime or for that matter traffic. However I will assume you’re simply misinformed, Let me help you out with some facts. The Minister of National Security is the person with the responsibility to deal with matters of crime. And incidentally he happens to be a PNP member of parliament. So your request to Santa should go as follows. Ask Santa to wake up The Honorable Dr. Peter Phillips then drop off a feasible and reasonable crime plan at his office.

On the matter of Santa being asked to come onboard simply because he is a Caucasian, that his presence will force the relevant authority (Dr. Peter Phillips) take up crime fighting with some zeal is confusing me. Are you suggesting that the PNP is not practicing the principle “Blackman time now?” and that they do things for white people much easier than they do for blacks.


On the matter of the street kids that beg at the stop lights and fast food places, A contributing factor is the garment industry has grinned to a halt in Montego Bay under the leadership of the PNP, and the mothers of a lot of these kids are former employee’s of the garment industry, for that matter the entire free zone is at a standstill. So your request to Santa should go as follows. Ask Santa to ask Minister Paulwell Who is responsible to act fast and get the free zone going as unemployment seems to be a major problem Montego Bay.

On the matter of entertainment in MoBay. I know you will not agree but I think you should ask Santa that councilor Calamity doesn’t get his wish and add a further house tax on the already burdened people and for more medication and linen for the Cornwall Regional Hospital, and also more desks for the less fortunate schools in MoBay. After all we need to be healthy and educated before entertained. Well at least that’s what I asked Santa for

It is important that you educate yourself on how the system works. The St James Parish Council or little green elves as you refer to them are in opposition they depend on government for funding and have to suck salt from a wooden spoon like everybody else, they even get tear gassed like every other citizen. On the other hand the orange elves (PNP) are the government and they are the ones that are really in charge and above the law.