Thursday, August 11, 2005

COME TO MOBAY... Come to Montego Bay

MY MOBAY PROMO ADS... incentive fi hot girl come live here... JTB(Jamaica Tourist Board) better squeeze me a money fi dis... hmmm if they pay me enough I'll even tag on (shudder) Mobay No Problem "MON"

Displaying as well my wonderful photography and design skills...

I think I'll be submitting an ad to the papers... "Come to Mobay, crazy ppl, vybzy ppl and hot GIRLZZZZZZ wanted, IMMEDIATELY" wah yuh think.

Are you tempted yet by my wholesale Mobay whore out... look at the "perdy" orange picturessssssss.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Kids these days

What is the world coming to... kids these days.

Forgot to give proper accreditation to this post... I lifted it from

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Summer Report... Summa Skool Report.

Zoom in on your globes , your maps, your atlas, or even your satellite system global thing-a-ma-jiggs... and find Xaymaca a.k.a. Jamaica... then scroll west and head to St. James and find Montego Bay (with its new and official zip code of JMCJS01), "The City of Tomorrow"... it is a sweltering 92 degrees farenheit in the days blazing sun and 88 at night. Now we are in August and hot off the heels of Sumfest, Dancehall Queen and the Negril weekend. Every street corner in every part of planet Jamaica is pumping the new anthem, it a blast out every car that pass you in traffic, its on every radio station, the repercussions and echoes of it are ricocheting between zinc fencesBack Route to Tash Shop... pounding thru board shopsGlen Shop and jumping off walls... U know which song it is that I speak of "...some bwoy nuh know this, dem only come around like tourist" Welcome to Jamrock... yah those words trickle off of every lip and throbs in every ear.

The rest of minutes that ought to be spared to other songs probably being occupied by Jah Cure's "Love is" on the "seasoning riddim" as well as Wayne Marshall's "Marry Juana".


Sumfest this year was expectedly lacklustre with No Bounty Killer and No beenie Man, No Vybz Kartel and no Fantan Mojah, no Buju Banton and no Sean Paul... who the hell were they trying to squeeze ruffly $2G a night out of... obviously me... seeing that I ended up there every night after vowing never to go... but Dancehall night was a must with the last minute addition of Dancehall most hardcore Gangsta Ras himself SIZZLA KALONJI...

Dancehall night for the most part was pretty decent with the presence of (I can't believe I am admitting this) Macka Diamond and Lady Saw... of course I-Wayne gave me my laugh for the night when he called Soca music devil music... of course a Trinidadian before week's end had to respond, I am refering to Bunji Garlin for those who not upto speed on the beat eh... but bwoy to be honest I don't think Bunji Garlin is the best man to defend Soca seeing that he borrows so heavily from Bounty Killer's style as it is already and he also falls into the Soca category of "Ragga Soca" which is reggae influenced soca anyway... so him need fi hold a serious medi before him turn Soca biggest defender... but seeing that his biggest influence is Bounty him can some ratings...

Turbulence undoubtedly mash up the place with him ting... obviously everybody did a wait pon notorious. Him and his "rumoured" ooman Sasha performing the two songs weh dem do together...

However the night belonged to the ferocious half of Jamaica's newest Rastafari twin giants... the new and emerging face of Selassie army... none other than the man from August Town, the mighty mighty Miguel Collins a.k.a. SIZZLA... With unrepentant lyrical barrage and fire headed at no other people than the dancehall stiflers themselves the "OUTRAGE"ous Battymen... "Rastaman don't apologize to no..." "Praise ye Jah... Rasta nuh mix up wid homo..." of course teh show could not close without "A some big long gun a run out pon dem, extra magazine clip all dun out pon dem, war dem from night till sun out pon dem, gangstaz gorillas come out pon dem" it was an outstanding exhibition...

HOWEVER mi nuh feel nobody tear up Catherine Hall, Montego bay like Jr. Gong and as a matter of fact after that perfomance he should relinquish the title Jr. caah him a di real man yah now... Gong began his performance wid hits from his Halfway tree album mixed with some from his previous efforts, he and his brother then let off some of the original Gong's songs then Stephen let go a like solo wid his material from his album effort. Gong then pre-ed the crowd wid new material like "In too deep" which for a relatively unknown song... (except that one time I heard it on IRIE FM in early February...) had the crowd riled up.

To be honest Sumfest was the platform for everyone to see the evolving face of Rasta... with the best of Rasta their... the veteran and elder Luciano, the young fire brand Sizzla, the youngest veteran Jr. Gong, new comers and fresh fyah bunners I-Wayne, Richie Spice and Chuck Fender.

Here are some more links on the I-Wayne vs Bunji beef...




Observer articles on Sumfest: (1) Sumfest bans Sizzla (2) Jr. Gong mash up sumfest

Differently stil Sumfest fun an all but Negril Weekend did di deh too...


(An Excerpt/Extract taken from my new magazine "Caribbean Geographic")

Once again it is mating season on the west end of Planet Jamaica, an without fail members of both sexes flock in droves from every nook and cranny on the island. They arrive adorned in fabric of great expense and have groomed themselves as to be successful in a mating courtship and ritual that will last a long weekend.

Like males of other species, every jamaican male is driven by the sexual desire to mate and ensure his genes are passed(sometime with a wide variety of partners) to the next generation. But the mere act of seduction, with a female sometimes many times his size and an appetite (both sexual and biological) to match, is frequently an expensive encounter.

If a males pocket survives the risky and sometimes pointless serenade, rapid copulation follows. But rejected suitors and even successful ones who dally a moment too long find themselves being eaten out by the female. It's a real life fiscal attraction.

The serenades are as varied as the males themselves—some 4 species and a variety of hybrids belonging to a variety of social groups. Some mate by using force (rape); others use chemical and financial incentives. Some woo their sweethearts with gifts (a technique commonly referred to as flossing) while others put on their dancing shoes for some seductive entertainment.

A few of the types of men that could be sited there are, 1. The Bling Kid, usually garbed in what the natives call "ICE" and gawdy yet expensive fashion. 2. The fashionably rootsy, those who try to mediate between the bling group and the less financially endowed or the intellectuals by donning Cooyah wear and La Pluma Negra, they are commonly well groomed and have Rootsy clothes as really token in their wardrobe. 3. Is the Cyar-ologist, who wooes his prey with his loud noise burst from his vehicle of choice which is usually under the brand Honda, Toyota, Mitsubishi or Ford. His abode is usually littered with magazines labelled Import Tuner or Honda Tuner. It is commonly speculated that the size of their engines make up for size in genitalia. 4. Is our Mr. Kanye West/Common, this variety don glasses and head wear as marks of their intellectualism and like to lyrically seduce his prey, he will shower her with his poetry and abstractions about life and the like. He also feigns at being a serious patron of the arts. 5. We have the Pseudo Ras/Rent-a-Dread, this type usually seeing marauding with those female of pale complexion and has a serious penchant for the caucasian female. He feigns at being apart of a very serious religious order that he will introduce them to, but more times than not he only ends up introducing them to what native call a "spliff", which is a rudimentary marijuana cigarette.

To be real now aaaaah mi step up inna di fete at roughly 1am... the sound a kick and pump... place full up a hot hot hot girls... none of which our noble writer here would be partaking. of course as to be expect a good majority of the girls there were from town... some of the hotter ones were new to me except maybe a sistren a mine weh name Alyssia Telfer... who complained that she couldn't smoke caah her brother doesn't approve.. but she did look hot same way... of course other hot girls amongst the crowd were Corrine Rattan (mi nuh sure if a her last name that) and Monique Melbourne... Mi surprise how Ebony Desouza round up and look great yah now... anyway... mi see nuff preston ppl as expected... Hall Chairman and former ones, prestonites past such as Dauna Kaye McPherson, rookie prestonites like Lidj Sinclair and a host of other ppl... oh how could I forget the multittude of ppl weh deh a foreign for how long weh yuh nuh see since 19-how-long.

Fridays fete was decent and all but Sunday was quite boring really...

Anyway... mi wi give unnu the rest in another edition of Summer Report...